Educating the world about Reactive Attachment Disorder through experience, hope, humor and love.
(Warning: nothing here should be taken as medical advice)

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Parents appear hostile?

Ahhhh... to live the simple life.  I was talking to a co-worker the other day after having had to crash the meeting at my daughters day treatment center.  His wife is a school teacher who has a diabetic child in her class and he says she has no problem monitoring that childs glucose testing, and can't understand why my daughters teachers would have such an issue.  I told him it wasn't so much the testing part they didn't have time for, but the monitoring of the hand washing since she has a tendency to cheat.  He couldn't grasp that concept - "haven't you told her how bad it is for her to have high blood sugars?"

Uhhh... yes?  Repeatedly?  Some people just don't grasp what it's like living with a child who has attachment issues.  And really, I don't blame them - it's not at all like raising neurotypical children and until you've lived it, you just don't know.  I was reading some statistics the other night that were shocking, but not really.  Not to me anyway.  77% of mothers who have adopted have experienced more intense rage/hate/anger after they adopted than before.  And 14% of those adopted mothers have experienced such rage/hate/anger that they have considered suicide because of it.  Those intense feelings are related to the difficulty of trying to raise an attachment disordered child.  Parents of neurotypical children typically don't find themselves pushed to such a state of rage on a consistent basis that they have thoughts of killing their children - but it's not uncommon for children with attachment issues to push those buttons.  It's not that they do it on purpose, and there are various views on why they do it, but the end result is still the same.  Imagine living with somebody who lies and steals on a regular basis (and we aren't talking once a week regular, but sometimes multiple times in a day), somebody who fights with you every step of the way when all you're trying to do is help them heal... if that were a boyfriend/girlfriend, how long would you stick with them?  Unless you're a serious masochist, probably not long.  But when that person is your child you don't have that option to just kick them out - well, you do but it's not nearly as easy.  Think of the frustration that would build day after day after day after day after day after....

There's a reason "parents may appear hostile". 

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