Educating the world about Reactive Attachment Disorder through experience, hope, humor and love.
(Warning: nothing here should be taken as medical advice)

Friday, December 30, 2011

Things keep on moving...

So we recently moved, and things have been going smoother for the most part.  Sure, there have been meltdowns and the occasional blow-up, but for the most part my oldest daughter has come a long way.  But that isn't to say things have been perfect.. not by a long shot.  Recently she just went through yet ANOTHER period where we couldn't bring her blood sugars up.  This was the third time this has happened in the past 2 months.  Having her insulin stored in a locked box isn't enough.  Before we moved, we had to keep that locked box in a locked room and never EVER let the keys out of our sight. 

It's not easy being the parent of a child with RAD.  She *knows* what will happen if she gets too much insulin.  She *knows* why we keep it locked up and away from her.  She *knows* we do everything we can to help keep herself safe and healthy.  But none of that matters when the need for control hits.  S/He who controls the insulin, controls the world!  (and we all know RAD is about control).

But.. this wasn't meant to be an insulin control post.  No... rather the reaction I got yesterday at work.  The wife had called and, yet again, had found a syringe in a place where none should have been.  This was the day after we had 12 hours of unexplained low blood sugars.  So we decided to move ahead with something we had talked about since we got here.  We can't install locks on these doors, so I went to Home Depot and picked up some door alarms.  Co-worker saw them and asked about them so I told him - they are for my daughters door since we can't lock her in. 

I forget not everybody lives in RADLand...

As soon as I saw the look on his face when I said that I though "oh shit" to myself... I knew I was going to have to explain just *why* I felt the need to lock my 16 year old daughter up at night, why she doesn't just do the things she knows will keep her healthy and safe.  Why why why... I get so tired of explaining - sometimes it's just easier to have people think we're horrible, evil, controlling parents.. that yes, we became parents just so we'd be able to satisfy our sadistic desires to lock up our children, starve them, and never EVER allow them to have any fun.

RAD is so complex, there are so many levels to it, that it's almost impossible to explain in just a few minutes.  At least not without leaving lots and lots of questions.  I tried to give a quick explanation to this guy and he just didn't get it.  Much like the last guy who didn't get why my daughter would mess with her insulin/blood sugars - after all, doesn't she understand?  Didn't we explain it to her?

HAH!  If parenting a RAD was so easy, there wouldn't be blog after blog after support group after website dedicated to it.  Reminds me of the family therapist we were seeing a few years ago when we were losing our minds trying to figure out wtf was going on with our children... "well, can't you just ASK them to do <insert whatever here>?".. hahahaha... yes, we ask and they comply .. we explain and they understand (actually, they really DO understand - they are smart girls - but understanding does not equal compliance!). 

The scary thing is I see the younger daughter moving down that same path, only with more anger issues.  Now that I'm finally getting a grasp on RAD, it's time to deal with ODD - and that's not going to be easy.  Thankfully I've found a great therapist for her, one who has raised two RAD / ODD children of her own so she has that "been there, done that" quality - will save a lot of time and frustration.  The good thing is, the younger one actually WANTS to go... but she seems to think she's going to be able to convince the therapists that she needs our dog to be her "emotional support" service dog and get to take her everywhere... I can just see where this is headed....

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