Educating the world about Reactive Attachment Disorder through experience, hope, humor and love.
(Warning: nothing here should be taken as medical advice)

Thursday, July 12, 2012

I can do it - but don't want you to know...

Well, it looks like the transition to the general HS will be delayed.  Am I disappointed? Yes.. Surprised? Not at all.  It has always been the pattern.  When there is something good to be gained, my daughter works hard for it.  Then, when it's almost a sure thing and she has done so well, she sabotages it.    We aren't sure whether this latest round will be enough to keep the transition from moving forward since there is still time to pull it together, but my daughter has definitely told me she is anxious about the move and hopes this "puts off" her transition (her words, not mine).

The thing is, there is something that needs to be done.  That "thing" needs to be done within certain parameters as set forth by doctors and social workers, with minimal interference from parents and teachers.  Only then can we move on to "freedom".  We already *know* she can do that "thing" - she has proven it to me several times.  But, when she doesn't do it within the guidelines, we can't be sure of her safety, hence the restriction (the guidelines were put in place after some near fatal mistakes she made - we don't just put them there arbitrarily as some have though).  A restriction which we're all hoping we can dump sooner than later - all she needs to do is do the "thing" within the guidelines.

But she refuses.  So we have to keep starting over from square one.  Being in square one may or may not prevent her from transitioning, but it's certainly going to make the transition much harder on her than it needs to be.

She's a teenager.  I get it.. she wants to do things her way.  I certainly did.  But if somebody had told me "you need to do A and show us so we can move on and you can have your freedom with it", I sure as heck would have done it and said "look, here it is now leave me alone".  But not her.  She would rather do it, and hide it from us.  Make sense?  It does to her... yeah, I don't get it either.

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