My daughters don't do well with change. Not at all. So this upcoming move 2 states away seems to be really stressing them out. They have both been acting out in ways we haven't seen in quite a while. But there have been incredible breakthroughs as well. Last week my oldest was in group at the treatment center when she volunteered she starts trouble with her step mother because she's there. She admitted (all on her own, with no coaxing by staff) that she's really pissed at her bio-mom (and I think 'pissed' is too soft a word for how she really feels, but it's the one she used) but since bio-mom isn't around, she takes it out on step-mom because she is the only mother figure that is available.
While this isn't news to us (we've been telling people this for many years), for her to have expressed it is HUGE! It tells us that whatever we've been doing is working. That the way she has been looking at things is different. I mean, we've noticed it - her behavior has improved in general, her attitude has improved in general (we still have huge outbursts of drama, but it's not constant like it used to be) - but we've never actually heard her express her anger for her bio-mom.
We've always known it was there though. All you had to do was mention her bio-moms name and the tears would start. So perhaps this breakthrough will propel her on towards more healing? Sometimes it seems to be just the opposite though - each breakthrough brings with it yet more intense drama. But that's understandable, and we can work though all of that as long as we know we're heading in the right direction. I don't think she's quite ready to sit down and write her bio-mom a letter yet, but I think someday she's going to have to do that. Even if she never mails it (and we wouldn't know where to send it anyway), she needs to get all of that crap out of her. Much like you need to clean your cars oil pan to get all the gunk out so it runs smoother.
This treatment center and it's staff have been such a Godsend for us - I pray they have something similar in the Seattle area....