Educating the world about Reactive Attachment Disorder through experience, hope, humor and love.
(Warning: nothing here should be taken as medical advice)

Thursday, June 23, 2011

"They are known to accuse parents of abuse, or tell others that  a parent is depriving them of basic life necessities such as food, drink, etc… as a means of triangulating or getting sympathy from outsiders."

If you've never parented a RAD, you may wonder how bad that could be, or even WHY somebody might actually believe them.  Well it happened to me.  RADs can be incredibly convincing and manipulative, often playing the pity card, and they somehow just know what buttons to push to get that sympathy.  I always had a kitchen full of food, so imagine my surprise one day when CPS contacted me and sent a case worker over to the house.  Apparently, my daughter had been throwing away her lunches, and getting the neighbor to give her a better lunch.  Well this neighbor apparently believe I was starving my poor child and eventually called CPS.  I was able to prove I had plenty of food and that my daughter was in no danger of starving, but she had done a really good job on this neighbor who took great pity on her.  Even to the point where this woman began trying to take over parenting my daughter because she believed I wasn't doing anything.  THAT is how convincing these children can be.  

And this wasn't the only time my RAD managed to convince others how horrible we were as parents, and it wasn't until I got her into a Day Treatment Program that some of the stories began to come out.

So the next time you see a poor child who needs your help, please keep in mind that things aren't always as they seem. 


  1. Sorry that happened to you! We actually created an emergency folder with copies of our IDs, her therapist/psychiatrist's cards, copies of her diagnoses on doctor letterhead, and the advocate's information just in case we faced such a day.

  2. I'm so sorry that not only did the neighbor believe such horrible things about you but that she then managed to convince CPS.

    We're lucky (so far) that our neighbors are understanding of Gavin and his issues. So they haven't called CPS on us during or after one of his meltdowns (which literally rattle the windows in the entire house). I'm terrified of the day that someone finally decides we are doing something wrong etc. and calls.